We think the games we play protect us, though they are actually the cause of the problems we have. Our need for real contact is so strong that when it is not there, our partner can easily feel lonely, rejected or as though they don’t matter much.

我们想通过游戏让我们看起来变的更完美.但实际上这正是发生在我们身上的各种问题的起因.我们对于真实接触的需求是如此强烈,以至于它不存在时,我们的伙伴容易感到孤独,被拒绝,似乎他们对于对方显得并不是那么重要.

There are all kinds of ways we keep the games going. Instead of finding out who our partner truly is, or what they really need from us, when something happens we don’t like, we rush to label them. They become an object to us, a stranger, or opponent in some way. Before we give them a chance to reveal themselves, we throw them away. In this way we constantly separate ourselves from one another and then wonder why we feel so alone.

有很多种方法我们让游戏进行着,当发生了一些不太喜欢的事后,我们不是去继续发现伙伴的真实一面,或了解到他们想从我们身上真正需要获得些什么.就急于给对方贴上了标签,有些时候,这使得对方变成了一件物品,一个陌生人,甚至是对手.我们没有给他们机会表现他们的自我.就抛弃了他们.这样我们不断的分裂着自我,然后又想知道为什么我们会感到孤单.

The biggest need we all have is to stop playing games, trust who we are and realize that each person who comes into our lives is there for a reason; they are worth knowing truly. We must learn to build bridges between ourselves and them; allow open communication to take place. When we are unwilling to do this, it is usually because we are hiding, afraid of being known.

更大的要求是我们必须停止这场游戏,真实表现自我,并意识到每个来到我们生活的人一定有它的理由.他们值得我们去了解,必须学会建立我们和他们的自我之间的桥梁,并允许自己敞开心扉建立各种沟通,当我们不愿意这么做时,通常我们会躲藏,害怕被了解,

How To Let Go of The Games We Play
如何放手我们的游戏

To start on our journey of becoming real, it is useful to look closely at the roles we play—the fantasies we so cherish. These roles are often exactly what get in our way. Roles can be hypnotic, it is easy to fall in love with a role or fantasy and begin to believe it is who we truly are. Or, more commonly, we fall in love with the role someone else is playing, become mesmerized by it and have no idea at all who the real person is. When that happens, we are not falling in love with the person, but with the fantasy they are creating for us. It can and does come as quite a shock when things change and, one day, we find out who they truly are. At this point, many relationships get rocky.

开始向真实迈进的旅程中,仔细查看我们所扮演的角色的确是有效的-----我们如此珍爱的虚幻角色,它确实的挡在我们行进的道路上,角色是催眠的,它容易让我们在角色或虚幻中陷入恋爱,并坚信它一定是真实的,更多的时候,我们陷入恋爱中和角色中的另一些人在进行一场游戏,并因无法确切知道对方真实的一切而变的迷惑.当这些发生时,我们恋爱的对象往往不是真实的对方.而是他们为我们创造的那个虚幻角色.当有些事发生改变的某一天,你可能会变的非常震惊,我们发现了真实的他们,就这一点,很多情感关系因此变的崎岖坎坷.

There are many reasons it may feel dangerous to let go of a role or image. For some, the idea of being true has become confused with the idea of being selfish, not caring about the feelings of others. Oddly enough, just the opposite is so. When we are able to respond truthfully, real caring can begin to arise.

很多理由可能让我们觉得放手角色或已留给人的印象是危险.有时候,展现真实自我的想法会因为觉得它是自私的,是不在乎对方感觉的表现等等的顾虑让我们思绪混浊,奇怪的是正好相反,当我们能够以真实去回应时,真正的关心就开始出现.

On the other hand, when we act from our roles and games, we are implicitly demanding this kind of false response from others. This way of relating is deadening; and takes the enthusiasm, fun and aliveness away. Everything becomes predictable. Boredom sets in.

另一方面,当我们在角色和游戏中行动时,我们会暗中要求来自另一方的各种虚假的回音,这对情感关系是致命的,因为它让热情,有趣,活力离我们远去,每件事变的可预测,无聊开始侵蚀我们.

The biggest danger of being lost in a role is that we lose touch with the reality of who we really are and what’s going on, both for ourselves and others. An incredible amount of misunderstanding comes about when we are glued to a particular fantasy or role. Unglue yourself a little.

In order to unglue ourselves from the usual roles we play, it is helpful to step into another's shoes. Try seeing the situation from your partner’s point of view. Pretend you are them for a few moments; what would you need or want if that were true? Look at yourself through their eyes. You may be in for quite a surprise. As our compassion for and understanding of others increases, our stereotyped reactions melt away.

要从所扮演的角色中解开我们的自我,这有助于我们设身处地的思考,试着从你的伙伴的观点去看问题,假设你是他们，如果这种假设成立的话,那什么是你想要的呢,,试着用他们的眼光看你自己,你可能非常吃惊。随着我们的同情心和对他人了解的加深，我们的偏见将会被打破。

We constantly need to broaden our horizons. No relationship can stay the same forever. If it does grow, it begins to fade. If we do not expand, we begin to atrophy as well. As we become real and respond from the truth of who we are, a sense of fresh possibilities, flexibility and aliveness comes to us. It brings excitement and adventure as well. This a sure fine way to bring the greatest gift, both to others and to ourselves.